i'm tired. long day...but a good day. right after work, i made dinner and headed off to see the pacific northwest ballet's "sleeping beauty" with phoebe. a very long ballet--3 hours. the girl who played aurora had major problems holding her attitudes even though it comprised a large part of her choreography. god, i miss dancing. i think i'm going to quit the gym. i don't know what i've been doing...i'm not really a gym person. i want to take classes at a dance studio and start up yoga...something to refresh my mind.

i'm completely redoing my bedroom. i just got a new bed frame...i've never had a bed frame in my life. it's one of those cool, cast black iron ones..."something to hold onto" as many of my guy friends would say. and i'm going to run to ikea and buy a bamboo curtain thing-a-ma-bob and drape it against the wall. then find some neat cloth and hang that over the bamboo.
i'm bummed..i was going to go to whistler this weekend with eugene, but i've got this big launch next week...and guilt came over me last night, and i decided to stay.

manine, the sweetheart, bought me a "seaweed pedicure" as a lil' goodbye present from her. what a great team...i'll miss them so much. did i mention the really awkward "goodbye music, hello video" party that was held for me last week? well, normally, the admin. assistant makes arrangements for these sorts of things; however, she was (doh!) laid off a few days before...and no one knew. so everyone gathered in pike 1744, standing around awkwardly, as if they were at a meeting...then manine stood up and gave a random (but very sweet) speech...explaining how things weren't as festive as they should be because of the sudden loss of laura, people clapped, then left. i felt weird.

i just found out that lilchrissy thinks i have "genius prose"...wow. thanks. that totally baffles me. i think my writing sucks. at least on this site. i'm not really one to express myself well in writing...i'm all about verbalizing. also, my parents have complete access to this site and i fear what i may reveal.

i'm realizing more and more how much smith has influenced me in my years. i have this need to be surrounded by strong women who are comfortable in their skin and able to express their honest selves....those that can see past "what's right/wrong" and embrace the beauty of what makes me strong and weak. phoebe really does that for me.

my little brother called me up this week, asking me to create this lil website for him, displaying his entire portfolio so that he can get an internship this summer. then it dawned on me---he really needs me! it's odd...there's always this strange distance between us, and i think it's a guy-girl thing or something like that. or perhaps it's that acknowledgment from him that he trusts that i can do what he needs...and is asking for help. warm fuzzies all around.

had dinner with matthew last night at this random italian restaurant owned by a chinese couple. oh, and the restaurant offers a limo service. but it was totally fun. things are well with matthew...i just wish i could spend more time seeing him. i saw a picture of his new girlfriend for the first time too. it was a little shocking at first because i wasn't expecting it...but then i was relieved, to finally know. i think i'm going to be single for awhile. there are so many things that i haven't had a chance to do while i was dating matthew. there aren't so many rules either. i can have my fun as long as i know i'm emotionally okay with it. but who knows. i'm even thinking about visiting wil in germany. i don't know why. in some ways, i'm curious about what he's doing out there. between march and may, he'll be "out in the field", training his military boys and playing combat games. that world is so surreal to me. i think i really miss him.