my last night in kansas....

i met up with dan for lunch today, whom i adore. i really miss being able to have talks with him. he still has that penetrating stare that just makes me want to confess everything to him ;) anyhow, he's probably going to propose to his girlfriend before the year is over. dan-->engaged?! not that i can't imagine he's prepared for it...but wow. i just never thought he'd find love so young...but i'm definitely really happy for him. tonight, emily and i went over to erin [bresnahan]'s apartment where she lives with her husband now. she got married last summer.

so many of my friends from kansas are getting married or engaged--and they're all still like 23! are they abnormal or is it just me? i just cannot imagine making such a huge decision in my life right now. not that it's a big wall {marriage} but it's a major choice that one makes in his life...and i just couldn't do that now. i asked joanne the other night if she freaked out when her husband proposed to her in college...and she just said "i don't know..you just know!" But do i? what if I have met the one...but blocked the possibility in my mind? is my approach to life skewed? is it wrong that i don't want to think about marriage for years and years and years? i know it'll be much harder later...fewer eligible men...for a reason? i don't know why i'm freaking out now. i'm just dumbfounded.

i just noticed how every time i come home to kansas, i stay out really late. no wonder my parents think i'm such a party animal.

i saw Unbreakable Friday night with my matt mcguire---I was a little disappointed. Not the hype that I expected it to be. I mean, there was a cool twist at the end and all, but I just didn't really get into the comic book analogy. I can honestly say I enjoyed The Sixth Day more than Unbreakable. Is that bad?

I shopped all day today...well, started off with the usual dim sum at Bo Ling's at the Plaza with the Wongs. Then met up with Sara...ran into some random high school people---Jason Schweitzer and Mike McGuire. Then Sara and I waited 2 hours to get a table at the Canyon Cafe to eat dinner....eventually, we finished and headed over to Jed's place for us to see for the first time. Emily was there with her "shady" friend Carlos (bad pun) as was Joanne [Bjorge] and her husband. We went into Westport tonight---this was my first time...pretty hopping. We were there late...though I was one of the first to leave cuz' I just wanted to crawl into bed. But it was a lot of fun to see the whole crew and hear about people.

happy turkey day.

oh how nice it was to wake up this morning and slowly crawl out of bed...to find a nice, warm lunch all prepared for me already. i spent most of the day preparing for the dinner..and making some phone calls to long lost friends in between. my thanksgiving is unlike the typical thanksgiving. it's like "let's invite all the chinese people we know in kansas (2 families) and eat chinese food...and throw in a bit of turkey." I was actually surprised this year--we had mashed potatoes. We never have mashed potatoes. Anyhow, I prepared the salad and pumpkin pie...which turned out really well (yay!). The Wongs came over and I had time to catch up with Rod. What an ambitious guy---I hope to have such confidence in myself in the future. He's in his second year at med school right now...and plans on getting his MBA in the midst of it...and when he gets that, he'll finish getting his MD. At which point, he can just do health consulting for a few years and probably retire before he's 35.

Rod and I went to see "The Sixth Day" tonight---it's actually a much better movie than I expected. There were a lot of revelations about what our future lives could be like---really cool. The twist on human cloning was done well and just overall scenery was great. In the end, it's kinda scary to think about where we could go with our technology. Go out and watch it. see what you think.

well, i'm home now in kansas. [sigh] right after i got off the plane, my parents whisked me off to this really yummy French bistro in downtown Kansas City--called something like Le Fre Frogue. My parents just call it the French Frog restaurant. Anyhow--the food there was delicious and I had a good dinner conversation with the parents. I was sad to arrive home and find out that my brother isn't coming home for Thanksgiving---I thought he was. This will be the very first Thanksgiving without the entire family together.

So then we slowly drove home...I was quickly reminded of how extremely flat Kansas is. Then we took the ever familiar West Lawrence exit, $1.25 toll. So surreal. I haven't been home in a year and everything seems foreign to me. I walked into the old kitchen and noticed the new stove and dishwasher my mother had just gotten installed a week ago. Then my dad excitedly grabbed me and showed me the cool Direct TV satellite channels that we get now--why didn't we have something like this when I actually lived here? The biggest change--> I walked into my bedroom to find a crazy flower print bed with matching curtains. Whatever happened to my favorite cow pattern?! So, I was a freak in high school and loved cows...loved all sorts of cow decorations. And I had a hilarious matching comforter set with curtains. Looking at it now, it's kinda horrifying...but it reminds me of how silly I once was. Anyhow, the cow pattern is gone, replaced by "guest bedroom" decor. Aaah.

My friend Sara came by and picked me up and we went to our old hangout, the Bourgeois Pig. Drank 2 yummy martinis and caught up in our lives. Then we called Jed (who now has a cell phone!) and found him hanging out at Matt and Rachel's place. We drove over there and saw some familiar faces, sipping beer out in the cold. It's bizarre to see Matt...he was my "high school sweetheart" as I generally like to put it. And Jed...he's just the same guy as he always is. No surprise that he was just over at Duffy's tonight, singing karaoke. I can't decide if much has changed...or if the pace is just slower here. I can always come back home and find the same people doing the same things every night.

So anyhow, I'm home now, typing away on my dad's new computer with this really nice 21" screen. Parents tend to buy a lot more toys once the kids leave--does anyone else notice this?
Tomorrow's the big day. I plan on making that yummy salmon salad that Matthew likes to make...and my first attempt at pumpkin pie. Shouldn't be too hard--but a big accomplishment for me. And then the Wongs will be over and I can catch up with Rod.

I wonder how Betina's doing back in Seattle. tee hee---she has an office crush...and office crush has a crush on her. Things are going well...I'm so happy for her.

okay, so things are supposed to be calm at work. yet, i'm still here. is there something wrong with this picture? i'm just getting too wrapped up in things. boy, i need a vacation.

for the first time in months, i had someone ask me about my future career plans here. that just feels so good. i feel like i've been neglected for the past 10 months...i've had FIVE freakin' managers in this last year. i don't know if i'm bitter. well, i am. but i know there's really no one to blame. a lot of it is due to reorganization. but god, i just needed someone to reach out to me and say "audrey, i care about you and what you want to do in this company". i'm about to manage people myself...and i hope i can give them the respect and care that i expect to get myself. i'm making a good move. yeah.

there was a farewell party for wade over at juli's place on saturday night--there was a really great turnout. between me, jon, juli and betina, we probably spent almost $500 on food and drinks---it was quite a feast. fortunately, i think everything was consumed so it was worth it.
i go home in TWO days! HOME! i got a call from my friend dan in kansas city this morning---it was so great to hear his voice. there are so few people that i see when i go back home now. and when i run into people, it's just weird...i'm not sure what to say anymore. it's the same thing every year:

"hey! how are you! missed you so much!"
"yeah, me too! what have you been up to?"
"oh, i'm still in seattle, doing my thing. and you?"
"yeah, i'm still in lawrence, doing my thing."[silence]
"so...have you heard from so-and-so?"
"oh yeah, so-and-so is up to this-and-this"
"cool....umm...what about so-and-so-2?"
"yeah, i heard this about so-and-so-2"[silence]
"yeah, well, it was great seeing you! like old times!"
"yeah! see ya around"

Not that I don't love hearing about what others are up to nowadays...but after that, it's hard to have a conversation anymore. How we grow apart....of course, there are the exceptions. But it's like I'm in a warped world when I'm in Kansas.

i'm getting so bad at adding anything to my web diary...as bad as me answering emails nowadays. what is this overwhelming need to keep this updated? is it more for myself or to keep everyone informed? i don't even know how many people actually read this thing. so given that, i'm just going to say it's for me.

besides, my site is down. i'm sad. alex is switching ISP's so meanwhile, everything's down...i can't check email, nada. i've successfully switched DNS servers...but i still need an IP address...which I can't get until alex has a much cooler ISP to deal with. so if you click anywhere above on any links, it'll die. so i guess this web diary is my only version of any sort of web site for now.

went out to see the odyssey at seattle rep tonight---it was really amazing. god, i miss doing theatre...being in it, behind the scenes, striking the set (believe it or not).

work has been taking a toll on me--an upcoming code freeze has gotten a lot of business owners to throw last minute ideas and projects my way. i can't wait til all of the new music web devs are completely up-to-speed on things.

i wonder if i should be concerned about the way matthew and i are handling our break up. i don't feel weird about it..and neither does he. so i guess it's fine. but i feel like others would think it's wrong. so does that matter? i don't think so. but does what others would think matter to me? it shouldn't. i'm too preoccupied with what others may think of my behaviors.

i made a visit to my new doctor this week and boy do i love her. i just wanna walk over to virginia mason and yell at my previous doctor and tell her how awful she was. i finally feel taken care of.

wow, i'll be home a week from today.

my site went down this week. freaked me out briefly.

i'm sick now. fall is truly here along with yucky health. i've been sniffling all day...and made the mistake of downing benadryl and nighttime theraflu at 1pm. i was pretty drowsy throughout the rest of the day.

i'm excited to go home---2 more weeks. i haven't been home since last year. i really wanna make a pumpkin pie.

the time after a breakup is interesting. you have to re-access your time and your friendships. i suddenly have all this time and don't know what to do with it.

saw legend of baggervance last night. it was much more of a golf movie than i expected. too much "imagine the field, just you and the ball, your authentic swing...". just didn't do it for me.