i'm hangin' out over at my friend Ben's place right now as he transforms himself into Neo to go out to a halloween party. He and I went shopping all day--at North Bend and then a little at Bellevue Place. I just had this urge to just go out and shop. This happens after every breakup--the need to go out and splurge and spend lots of money on myself...only to come back home and pity myself.

It's been a really really hard week. It's hard having someone that is a constant part of your daily life suddenly not want to be there anymore. someone who knows me so well...who knows when i am happy or pissed...who's been so integral in my life in seattle. and for it to happen so immediately.

i miss you so much matthew.